Hi friends,
“The helper knew. We didn’t.”
It’s the kind of thing a daughter might say on the drive home from a hospital, after a morning a lot of families will recognise.
Her mum, in her late seventies, had slipped in the kitchen. Nothing broken, but two nights in the ward to be safe.
On the first morning, the doctor came by with a few simple questions. What medicines is she on? Any change in her appetite? Has she been giddy lately?
The daughter and her brother looked at each other. Then they both looked at Lina, their mum’s helper of four years.
Lina answered everything. The white pill after breakfast. The half tablet Mum quietly skips when she feels giddy. “Since Tuesday, she only finishes half her porridge.”
The doctor wrote it all down and turned to Lina for the next question too.
On the drive home, the daughter said, “Lina knows Mum better than we do.” She wasn’t angry. She was a little ashamed, and very grateful.
(This family is illustrative, not a specific client. But I suspect many of us will recognise that hospital morning.)
What if the person who knows Mum best isn’t family?
This is the week’s “What If?”, and it’s becoming a very ordinary one.
In September, Singapore officially became a super-aged society: 21.4% of citizens were aged 65 and above as at June 2026, up from 13.7% in 2016. By 2035, more than one in four citizens is expected to be 65 or older.
On Sunday, The Straits Times ran a long feature on what this looks like inside our homes. Helpers, it noted, are increasingly hired for the oldest member of the family rather than the youngest. For many sandwiched families, with work, children and parents all at once, that is how love gets organised.
I don’t think that’s a failure. Often it’s the most caring arrangement a busy family can make.
But it does leave a quiet gap. And it’s worth naming gently, before a hospital morning names it for us.
Three things a helper can’t carry for you
A good helper can carry a lot: the routine, the medicines, the mood on a bad day. Here are three things she can’t carry, however much she cares.
1. Decisions. She can tell the doctor what Mum ate. She can’t decide for Mum. If Mum one day loses mental capacity, decisions about her welfare and her money need someone with legal authority. A Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) lets a person aged 21 and above choose, while they still have capacity, one or more people to act for them if that day comes. Without one, families may need to apply to the court for a deputyship, which the Office of the Public Guardian notes can add stress at an already hard time.
2. The paperwork around care. This surprised me when I first read it. Even applying for a caregiving grant on behalf of a parent who lacks mental capacity has rules. AIC says the applicant should be the LPA donee or a court-appointed deputy. An immediate family member can apply without one, but then has 12 months to get a deputyship order, or the payouts may be suspended. So an LPA isn’t only about “big” decisions. It quietly smooths the everyday ones too.
3. Mum’s own wishes. The helper may know Mum’s favourite porridge. She may not know what Mum would want if she became very ill. That belongs in a conversation with the family, and many write it down through an Advance Care Plan. OPG encourages people who make an LPA to also make an ACP, and to appoint their donee as their Nominated Healthcare Spokesperson.
None of this replaces the helper. It just means she isn’t left holding things that were never hers to hold.
Support that already exists (and that many families miss)
If Mum is cared for at home, a few things are worth knowing:
Home Caregiving Grant. From April 2026, it pays up to $600 a month (up from $400) to help with care costs, including hiring a helper. The person cared for must permanently need some help with at least three of the six activities of daily living
(feeding, dressing, toileting, washing, walking or moving around, and transferring from bed to chair). Households with income of up to $4,800 per person can now qualify, with the amount tiered by income.
Caregivers Training Grant. For care recipients aged 65 and above, or with a disability, it helps pay for approved caregiving courses: $400 to start, with a $200 top-up each year, capped at $400. A helper who is Mum’s main caregiver can use it too.
Community Health Posts at Active Ageing Centres, where care staff can help spot changes in a senior’s needs. And before discharge after a hospital stay, caregivers are guided on the senior’s updated care needs. It’s worth making sure the helper is in that conversation, not just the family.
Caregiver Support Touchpoints will be rolled out from 2027, to help caregivers find respite, training and financial support.
I’m sharing these as general information, not advice. Eligibility depends on each family’s situation, so check the official pages below.
Small doors, not big talks
I’ll be honest. I’m not good at the big conversation with my own parents either. “Ma, who should decide for you if one day you can’t?” can land very badly over dinner.
So I look for smaller doors. Here’s one for this week.
This Sunday, sit at the kitchen table for ten minutes with Mum and her helper. Not to check up on anyone. Just to learn.
“What’s Mum’s week like?”
Write down what you hear. The pills and when. The foods she likes now. The good days, the bad nights. One page, stuck on the fridge.
Then say thank you. Properly, and in front of Mum.
That page will help the next time a doctor asks a question. And very often, it opens the bigger conversation on its own, because Mum will be the one who says, “Aiyah, one day if I cannot decide ah…”
When she does, don’t close the door with “Don’t talk like that.” Just listen.
One question to sit with this week: if a doctor called you tomorrow and asked what Mum took this morning, would you know, or would you know who to ask?
If this got you thinking about your own family, WhatsApp me at +65 9048 2463
To a strong and lasting legacy,
Edward Shee (施文山)
CFP, MDRT 2023/2025, IBFA, AEPP
Associate Director, Financial Advisory
RNF No: SBS200040073
Synergy Financial Advisers Ltd
M +65 9048 2463 | W [email protected]
A 51 Bras Basah Rd, #07-03, Lazada One, Singapore 189554
Edward Shee, Associate Director, Financial Advisory | RNF SBS200040073 | representing Synergy Financial Advisers Ltd
General Advice Disclaimer: https://synergy.com.sg/disclaimer-general-advice
Disclaimer
The information provided in this article is for general informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute financial, legal, or tax advice. The views and opinions expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Synergy Financial Advisers Ltd.
Financial planning decisions should always be made based on your individual circumstances. You are encouraged to seek personalised advice from a qualified financial adviser before making any financial or estate planning decisions.
Edward Shee Boon Sun is a licensed representative of Synergy Financial Advisers Ltd.
Sources checked 9 Nov 2026: NPTD, Population Trends: Longevity (30 Sep 2026); The Straits Times, “Domestic workers helped raise our children. Who helps them care for our parents?” (8 Nov 2026); MSF/OPG, What is a Lasting Power of Attorney; AIC, Home Caregiving Grant and Caregivers Training Grant; Together, for Better: Caregivers; AIC on ask.gov.sg: HCG enhancements from April 2026; MOH on ask.gov.sg: CTG; MOH, PQ reply on care needs of seniors supported by migrant domestic workers (3 Nov 2026); MOF, PQ reply on support for caregivers (4 Nov 2026). The image is illustrative; the story is illustrative and not about a specific client.