"Bring Me Home," Dad Said. Then He Changed the Subject.

Hi friends,

It was dinner, a few days after the family visited an old neighbour in hospital.

Dad put down his chopsticks.

"If one day it's me, don't keep me in hospital. Bring me home."

His daughter said what most of us would say. "Aiyah, Pa, don't talk like that."

He laughed. "Pass the sambal."

And that was it.

But the sentence stayed with her for weeks.

Home, even if it got hard? Comfort first, or every treatment possible? And if he couldn't speak for himself, who did he want to speak for him?

She realised she didn't actually know. She only knew one sentence, said once, over dinner.

So one Sunday afternoon, she sat down next to him with her phone.

"Pa, what you said that night. Can we write it down properly? So we never have to guess."

He grumbled. Then he answered every question.

It took about half an hour. At the end, he looked almost relieved.

(This family is illustrative, not a specific client. But I suspect many of us will recognise that dinner.)

Over the weekend, The Straits Times reported that Dover Park Hospice and NTUC Health will train nursing home staff in palliative and end-of-life care, so that residents can be cared for at the end of life in a more familiar setting (The Straits Times, 25 Oct 2026).

The numbers behind it are worth sitting with.

According to the Ministry of Health, two-thirds of Singaporeans say they would prefer to pass on peacefully at home, in a familiar place, surrounded by loved ones. Yet in 2023, almost two-thirds of Singapore residents died in hospitals. That figure fell to about 60% in 2024 and has stayed at about that level since (MOH, 18 Apr 2026).

It isn't only about hospital beds. MOH notes that home-based palliative care capacity has grown from about 2,400 places in 2023 to more than 3,600 today. Part of what holds families back, it says, is that they don't feel ready or confident to carry out care at home, and that the topic of death is seldom raised in family discussions.

MOH put it very plainly. For many of us, it's pantang to talk about it. And to some families, even suggesting palliative care can feel like a lack of filial piety.

I understand that. I'm not good at the "big talk" with my own parents either.

But here is what happens when nobody talks. The wish stays as a sentence over dinner. Then one day, a doctor asks the family what Dad would have wanted, and everyone looks at each other.

MOH describes this too: primary caregivers wrestling with guilt over whether they did enough, and other family members stepping in later with different views. Nobody is wrong. Everyone loves him. They just never heard it from him clearly enough.

Singapore has a tool made for exactly this: the Advance Care Plan, or ACP.

Here's what the official sources say:

• An ACP is an ongoing process of planning for your future health and personal care. It covers your personal beliefs, values and healthcare preferences, shared with your loved ones and healthcare team (MyLegacy@LifeSG).

• It is not a legal document, and you don't need a lawyer to make one. It's for anyone aged 21 and above who can make their own decisions.

• If you're generally healthy, you can do it online through myACP on MyLegacy, with Singpass, without meeting a facilitator. It guides you through care preferences such as daily care, companionship, and your priorities between comfort care and life-sustaining treatment (MOH).

• You can appoint up to two Nominated Healthcare Spokespersons to convey your wishes if you can't speak for yourself. Anyone with an existing serious illness, such as cancer, dementia or heart failure, does it with their healthcare team or a trained ACP facilitator instead (AIC).

• You can update it while you still have mental capacity. AIC suggests reviewing it at each new decade of life, after a major diagnosis, or when your preferences change.

More people are doing it. MOH says over 30,000 ACPs were completed in 2025, double the year before. But that's from a low base.

You don't need to sit your parents down for a serious meeting. I wouldn't know how to start one either.

Small doors work better.

The next time your parent says something like "bring me home," try not to brush it away. Just say:

"Can I write that down, so we all remember it the same way?"

Or go first yourself. "Pa, I'm doing my ACP this weekend. Want to do yours with me?" It's much easier to say yes to company than to a lecture.

You'll learn a lot in that half hour. Not just about care, but about what really matters to them.

This is general information, not a checklist your family must finish this month.

MOH sometimes sums up legacy planning tools as CLAW: CPF nomination, LPA, ACP and Will (MOH). They do different jobs.

The ACP speaks for their care wishes.

A Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) lets a person aged 21 and above appoint someone they trust to make decisions for them if they lose mental capacity one day. It has to be made while they can still decide for themselves (MSF / Office of the Public Guardian).

A Will and CPF nomination deal with what is left behind.

And because care at home has real costs, it helps to know what support exists. MOH says it has raised subsidies for community palliative care and removed the lifetime MediSave withdrawal limit for patients using their own MediSave for day hospice and home palliative care. It also acknowledges that families can still face costs like transport, adult diapers, equipment rental, hiring help, and income lost to caregiving (MOH, 18 Apr 2026). Knowing this calmly, early, means fewer hard surprises later.

We usually think of legacy as what our parents leave us.

But one of the kindest things a parent can leave is clarity. A family that doesn't have to guess. Children who can say, with a steady voice, "This is what Pa wanted."

You don't need to sort it all out this week.

Maybe just write down the sentence.

If this got you thinking about your own family, WhatsApp me at +65 9048 2463.

To a strong and lasting legacy,

Edward Shee (施文山)
CFP, MDRT 2023/2025, IBFA, AEPP
Associate Director, Financial Advisory
RNF No: SBS200040073

Synergy Financial Advisers Ltd
M +65 9048 2463 | W [email protected]
A 51 Bras Basah Rd, #07-03, Lazada One, Singapore 189554

Edward Shee, Associate Director, Financial Advisory | RNF SBS200040073 | representing Synergy Financial Advisers Ltd
General Advice Disclaimer: https://synergy.com.sg/disclaimer-general-advice

Disclaimer

The information provided in this article is for general informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute financial, legal, or tax advice. The views and opinions expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Synergy Financial Advisers Ltd.

Financial planning decisions should always be made based on your individual circumstances. You are encouraged to seek personalised advice from a qualified financial adviser before making any financial or estate planning decisions.

Edward Shee Boon Sun is a licensed representative of Synergy Financial Advisers Ltd.

This article is for general information only and does not take into account your specific objectives, financial situation or needs. It is not legal, tax, financial or medical advice. MOH, MyLegacy, AIC and OPG information is from official sources as checked on 26 Oct 2026; please check those websites for the latest details, and speak to your loved one's doctor about their care. The image is illustrative; the story is illustrative and not about a specific client.